Lazlow.com

I grew up in a state with no professional sports other than going to buffets drunk and then sleeping with fat girls. And I played with computers instead of playing team sports. I also didn’t care that much about college sports when i was in college. However, college sports seem like a BIG deal to some people. Including my friend Reed, who still wears his high school ring, follows high school and college games, and rocks slowly back and forth sobbing, wondering why he can’t be in college forever.

Reed wrote a book. You should buy it. It’s $10.39. Available for preorder now!

January 22, 201214 Comments

I come home these days and my house smells like cigars, pop music and drugs. That’s because my best friend is doing construction here. Construction people LOVE THE DRUGS. It helps you cope with the concept that a power saw is a second away from making you a joke where you raise your hand and everyone laughs at how you are 9/10ths of a man.

My toilet laughs at me. Because my manly construction friends process phenominal amounts of processed foodstuffs that they pick up at drive-ins and then turn into toxic dirt and make swirly time in my toilet. Since Wayne started working here, when I flush, the water gets really close to the top of the bowl. And I pray. I pray and then it goes away. Or it just hovers at the top. And then I go on about my business, which must annoy God who has just stopped my toilet from overflowing. Again. Despite my pleading. I am inconsiderate to deities. I blame them for all kinds of shit. And, well, shit.

But my friend Wayne, for those of you that know him, he’s doing better. He’s got money to go to the doctors thanks to a bunch of kind souls out there. And he’s working on my bathroom. So maybe we’ll get the gang together and do a show again sometime soon. He told me a really disturbing story about making his grandmother shit that I have to share.

Peace and chicken grease

lazlow

December 20, 201134 Comments

November 3, 2011No Comments

September 14, 201151 Comments

When there are police outside your house telling you to evacuate, the reasonable man leaves town. Long Beach got hit pretty hard by Hurricane Irene, and I sat in the woods in Massachusetts and played XBOX while people here were up all night wondering if they were going to die. In true fashion, Big Wayne refused to leave town, instead shooting video near the beach where he and I hang out.

August 29, 201114 Comments

Episode 46 was Saturday July 30
at 6pm Eastern Live from the Compound.

Video streaming by Ustream

The show starts after a half minute or so – we had some technical difficulties early on as anthony’s studio is still getting sorted. The second part of the show wayne sang rocket man.

Video streaming by Ustream

This show was to raise money for Wayne’s health care bills. If you would like to donate click the button below. he promised to send a letter to all people who donate.

July 29, 201189 Comments

Live from the compound

Paypal donation box will be set up.

Wayne to perform live karaoke shirtless(I hope)

June 23, 201162 Comments

Over the past few months there has been a lot of WTFing going on about why there haven’t been any Lazlow Shows. A lot has been going on behind the scenes – besides working many weekends or simply not being around, other issues are at play, one of which is deeply worrying.

1. Reed is getting married
2. Wayne went to the emergency room and is in bad shape.

I’m sure you are as shocked and worried as I am about Reed. You never know what that guy is going to do. Mancations, marriage, it’s all so surreal.

While I can’t get into too much detail about Wayne – he went to a doctor after MUCH delay(you see, here in America if you don’t have health insurance we say go screw) and was instantly rushed to the emergency room(which a is bankrupting event in this country, see comment above.) Some more tests have done over the last few weeks and it is possible some very expensive procedures are going to be needed.

So that’s why the show has been on hold. As you can see we’ve been dealing with some bigger issues than doing a podcast.

This last weekend we discussed possibly doing a Jerry Lewis style telethon with ringing phones and some musical numbers and shit to raise some dough for Wayne’s medical care. I told Wayne he has to sing a song at the end. I imagine it will be a live show with video and if we reach certain milestones Wayne has to remove an article of clothing. But that’s just my fantasy.

We’ll keep you posted.

June 20, 201156 Comments

June 15, 2011No Comments

LA

May 15, 201157 Comments

The 80s were super awesome. I meet people that were born in like 1986 and i say, wow, you really missed out. EVERYONE looked like this.    This guy looks happy because he just plowed these chicks while watching Newhart. And after they jog in place in the driveway for a while, they’re going to get on an airplane, light a cigarette, and head somewhere magical.  That’s because in the 80s AMERICA WAS MAGICAL.   Now our dollar is a piece of shit that central american countries laugh at.  Our major cities look like a bomb went off in them.  A massive swindle has happened in this country in the last 15 years.  And somehow we are blaming workers, the middle class and the poor.   Our shit has been looted.

But I have a recovery plan.

Every American family gets sent an 8-ball of cocaine, a carton of Marlboro Reds, a bottle of Schnapps, and all of the TV channels get turned off except for 4 stations.  And every radio station plays shit like it’s 1986.  And we pretend none of this ever happened.  At least for a little while.

April 16, 201140 Comments

May 17th LA Noire comes out. Preorder online and get an exclusive extra case.

April 8, 201121 Comments

March 18, 201118 Comments

The last time i went to Denny’s I was so zooted i used the womens restroom and didn’t notice until a chilk walked in on me. Then I went back out to my friends and an ex-girlfriend showed up. She tried to make me jealous by making out with a guy she was with. But she was just pissed at me cause we went to a party a few months before and i got drunk and made out with another chick while my girlfriend was out getting me more vodka. I don’t remember this, because i woke up in my front yard which is 20 miles away from the party.

What I am saying is that Denny’s is wack.

February 24, 201113 Comments

February 15, 20118 Comments