from Reuters

Pie charts are supposed to add up to 100%. Not with Fox News. They add up to 193%.

Accuracy has never been their strong suite.

Scientists.

You know, the people that invented the computer, the rocket engine, the iphone, GPS, roller coasters, the Internet and artificial hearts. They are part of a CONSPIRACY!!!

They will sit around in their sciencey clothes and cackle with glee as they pull a big one on the world! “HA HA HA YOU STUPID MORONS! WE’RE SCIENTISTS! NOW YOU HAVE TO DRIVE SISSY ELECTRIC CARS CAUSE WE TOTALLY SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!

HA! YOU ALL LOOK SO GAY WITH YOUR SOLAR PANELS!

Members of Congress, especially whores like Sen. James Inhofe who has been deep throating oil company campaign money, are trumpeting the lines their pimps have been providing them, furthering their ridiculous line of reasoning that 1. Scientists are idiots or 2. Scientists are trying to fool us.

The rest of the first world(which by the way has universal health insurance) has accepted that climate change is real and that we need to do something about it. Here in the United States people look like babies throwing tantrums cause they’re scared of change.

It’s really simple actually. If you put a bunch of people in a room, pretty soon it gets hot and stuffy. If everyone in a football dome holds up a lighter, eventually it will get really hot in there. Welcome to the concept that billions of people on the earth burning shit makes it get hot. Not a hard concept to grasp.

And why would anyone want to spend their life’s work proving that we’re fucked? “Hey guys, I was right, i’ve done 30 years of climate research, and we’re fucked. Isn’t that awesome?”

Nobody seems to explain what rationale or motive there would be for scientists to hoodwink everyone on the planet. There isn’t profit to be made. Strangely, or not so strangely, the ones spreading the most amount of disinformation about global warming are the ones making billions burning fossil fuels.

Let’s take a quick look at some of the other nationalized entities in our society.

Every child is guaranteed:

Education
Water
Roads

According to the screamers who are shouting down the plan for nationalized services and the ability for any American to see a a doctor, we should shut down all public schools, roads, and water systems, as they are “nationalized” and “socialism” and people should only be able to get what they can afford to pay for in some kind of bizarre system where everything is for profit.

and strangely these are the religious members of our political landscape, who believe God wants them to get rich, screw the poor, and abandon the sick.

Unemployement hovers at 10%. I have many friends who are out of work. None of them can afford to go to a doctor if they get sick. And if you have an older family member who has dealt with the morass of stupidity that is the insurance industry that tosses people out of hospitals while still recovering and denies treatment to those seeking it, you know what a failure this greedy mess we call healthcare is.

But most likely the politicians will prevail – those who have been bought off with millions of dollars each in campaign contributions from insurance and pharmaceutical companies. Meanwhile those “horrible” places like the UK and Europe have a currency that makes our dollar look like trash. Third world trash. We keep printing more of it and filling the airwaves with talking heads who assure us that Wall Street doesn’t need regulation, that the health care industry should be left alone, and it will all work out.

Television has become a battlefield of psychological warfare. And it’s the precise reason I canceled cable last month. Nobody needs this much anger and resentment brought into their living room. It’s enough to send you to the hospital. If you can pay for it.

really?

republican

“The incumbent Administration has distinguished itself for the ages. The Presidency of George W. Bush is the worst since Reconstruction, so there is no mystery about why the Republican Party – which has held dominion over the executive branch of the federal government for the past eight years and the legislative branch for most of that time – has little desire to defend its record, domestic or foreign. The only speaker at the Convention in St. Paul who uttered more than a sentence or two in support of the President was his wife, Laura. Meanwhile, the nominee, John McCain, played the part of a vaudeville illusionist, asking to be regarded as an apostle of change after years of embracing the essentials of the Bush agenda with ever-increasing ardor.

The Republican disaster begins at home. Even before taking into account whatever fantastically expensive plan eventually emerges to help rescue the financial system from Wall Street’s long-running pyramid schemes, the economic and fiscal picture is bleak. During the Bush Administration, the national debt, now approaching ten trillion dollars, has nearly doubled. Next year’s federal budget is projected to run a half-trillion-dollar deficit, a precipitous fall from the seven-hundred-billion-dollar surplus that was projected when Bill Clinton left office. Private-sector job creation has been a sixth of what it was under President Clinton. Five million people have fallen into poverty. The number of Americans without health insurance has grown by seven million, while average premiums have nearly doubled. Meanwhile, the principal domestic achievement of the Bush Administration has been to shift the relative burden of taxation from the rich to the rest. For the top one per cent of us, the Bush tax cuts are worth, on average, about a thousand dollars a week; for the bottom fifth, about a dollar and a half. The unfairness will only increase if the painful, yet necessary, effort to rescue the credit markets ends up preventing the rescue of our health-care system, our environment, and our physical, educational, and industrial infrastructure.”

Read the rest here

The Keating 5 McCain scandal explained in 2 minutes..

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAzDEbVFcg8]

On last Saturday’s show I had a few choice words for religious extremist Sarah Palin, and saw a few emails to her defense. I called her batsh*t crazy. She has signed budget legislation forcing rape victims to pay for their own rape kits. Why would she do such a thing? Because they include emergency contraception, and Sarah Palin beleives raped women should be forced to have the child. She believes her religion should be taught in science class. When we hear stories about Saudi Arabia and the forced teaching of religion in schools and a society that is ruled by religious law, we call them batsh*t insane heathens. When Sarah Palin suggests it here in the United States, they call her a charming hockey mom with “family values.” And she has illegally used private emails for government business expressly to avoid supoenas.

For eight years religious extemist neoconservatives have run a credit card bill into astronomical territory with no intention of paying. They have gutted regulatory boards and both McCain and Bush have fought for the deregulation of the financial and investment markets. Record tax breaks have been given to oil companies, who have posted the highest profits in history while average Americans are going broke at the pump. They have stated that the government needs no warrant to listen to your phone calls, read your emails, and the police don’t need a warrant to search your car or house. We once mocked Saudi Arabia, China and Russia for employing such anti-democracy measures. And now, our country is literally crumbling at the seams. We are borrowing from China to pay for the occupation of Iraq, to pay to bail out millionaires on Wall Street, and to keep the whole system from collapsing.

I do not have an Obama Tshirt. I don’t think the Obama is the saviour – I disagree with a couple of his positions. However a vote for McCain/Palin is a disasterous and dangerous step towards a religious theocracy and our economy collapsing. The Bush/McCain/Palin doctrine is ripping this country apart.

I’m voting Obama. I feel like McCain has betrayed us – and religious extremist Sarah Palin betrays the entire concept of a free and open society. I pray this country makes the right choice in November.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anxkrm9uEJk]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vNsDhFaKUk]

Fuck you and your tofu. You see, I cut my hair last week – it has been past my shoulders for over 10 years. The same week I went to get a physical, as i am constantly convinced i am dying from my horrible lifestyle of enjoying myself. I took the physical, the Dr. said if I don’t hear anything then I’m fine. I eat a lot of tofu, I prayed, so i should be ok. Right?

This weekend i received a horrible letter from the Dr. saying that he needed to see me to discuss the results. So I spent the whole weekend assuming I have cancer and preparing my lines. You have to have good lines if you’re going to be told you have weeks to live. First I prepared to tell my chick that I needed to spend my last few weeks in a brothel and I hope that she understood that it wasn’t me, it was the sickness. Then I thought I could plan a really amazing party for my funeral, and spend all of my life insurance money to book an amazing lineup of bands. I’d probably have to go with Phil Lesh and Friends plus G Love and Special Sauce. They would come out and bring down the house, with me in a casket on the stage and when it got really rocking, people would take me out and I would crowd surf to the back as a corpse. Fantastic.

So I call furiously this morning, they tell me I have to come in person, so I say I can be there in five minutes. It’s right next to my Manhattan studio, so I head over, wait for half an hour reading comic books, get taken to the back and sit in a room for a while. The Dr comes in and says they are having trouble getting the results from the lab, so he calls them while I’m in the room.

Hi this is Dr. soandso looking for results……yes verbal please.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. (He scribbles things down)

Uh huh.

. . . . .

He thanks them and hangs up and says, “Well…” then lets it fade off.

My fucking cholesterol is too high. This is just like when I got my AIDS test and they made a big deal about not telling me over the phone and I come in and they act all weird and then finally I get the news. Sorry, you’re not dying. Dude, you could have told me over the phone.

But it seems that tofu is farking me up too. Too much protein. Don’t eat an egg for breakfast. Don’t eat tofu in Indian curry sauce for lunch. Don’t drink beer and have a cigar at dinner. Fuck. How miserable. They do it in Europe and they live longer than us, but then again they have national health care. Maybe if we had national health care i could have an omelet and a cigar for breakfast. God that sounds awesome. So go screw hippies, I’m done with tofu.